Merry Christmas!

Hi everyone!  I have been extremely busy this month - doing the 'single dad' thing, going to all the holiday recitals, band concerts, etc...  Because of that, I really haven't had a lot of time to sit down and work on my blog.
I haven't forgotten about you though - I will be off next week and should have some free time to get caught up on my blog writing (and reading).
In the mean time, here is a holiday post from a year ago that really made me laugh:

He Sees You When You're Sleeping...

A couple of weeks ago when I was tucking Sammi in for the night, she asked me to sing her a bedtime song.  Since it was right before Christmas, I sang "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".  

Me:  “You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout I’m telling you why.”

         “Santa Claus is coming to town.”

         “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake…”

Sammi (interrupting):  "Daddy, is this song true?"

Me:  “What???”

Sammi:  “Is this song really true?”

Me (debating on how much to say):  "Uhhh…  Why do you ask?"

Sammi:  "Well, I know that Santa has to check and make sure that I've been good all year, but does he really need to see me when I'm sleeping?"

Me:  "Well honey, it's just a song..."

Sammi (relieved):  "That's good!  I think if that song were true, I wouldn't be able to sleep at all!"

Me:  "Why not?"

Sammi (shuddering):  "Because the thought of Santa watching me sleep is really creepy.  I'd be worried that if I woke up, he'd just be standing there - staring at me..."

Actually, she’s right – that is a creepy thought…  

Original post:  http://stuffsammisays.blogspot.com/2012/01/he-sees-you-when-youre-sleeping.html

For the Birds

Me:  What are you reading there honey?"

Sammi:  "A book called Incredible Bird Facts that I got at the library today."

Me:  "Sounds great!  Tell me an incredible bird fact."

Sammi:  "Did you know that all parrots are named Polly?"

Me:  "Really?  You didn't read that in your book did you?"

Sammi:  "No. I haven't got to the parrot chapter yet - but it's true."

Me:  "So how do you know that all parrots are named Polly?"

Sammi:  "Have you ever heard anyone say, 'Mary want a cracker?' No.  It's always Polly."

Me (amused):  "Hmmm...  I guess I never thought much about parrot names.  Do you have any other incredible bird facts?"

Sammi:  "Sure!  Did you know that birds who eat fried chicken are cannibals?"

Me (laughing):  "I didn't know that a bird who ate another bird would be considered to be a cannibal."

Sammi:  "Yeah - except for eagles."

Me:  "That's because they are carnivorous right?"

Sammi:  "No.  Because eagles are awesome. They can eat anything they want."

Me:  "Let me guess - you didn't read about cannibal birds in your book either?"

Sammi:  "No.  For a book called Incredible Bird Facts, it's really not very incredible.  I could write a much better book with really incredible bird facts!"

Me:  "Now that's a book that I'd love to read."

It's A Major Award!

The dudes over at Dude Write have saw fit to award me with a few "Man Cards" for my last post - Forrest.

Thanks dudes!  If you haven't checked out their blog, I highly encourage you to do so - lots of talented writers there.  LINK

Forrest

Stuff My Daughter Says has been temporarily replaced (today only) for Stuff My Son Says:

I was sitting in the car yesterday with my oldest son, Forrest, waiting for my other son to get out of middle school for the day. 

Forrest was flipping through all the radio stations complaining loudly that there wasn't any Christmas music playing yet. 

He finally stopped scrolling through all the radio stations and said, "All I want is to be able to listen to Christmas music. Is that too much to ask?!?" 

As soon as he said this, the song that was playing had stopped and the announcer came on and said, "We have listened to your requests for holiday music - so here you are!" Then they immediately started playing Christmas music...

Forrest and I sat there in stunned silence staring at each other in disbelief. Finally, he looked out of the window and shouted up to the sky, "All I want is to be surrounded by Victoria's Secret models!!!"

If you're gonna make a wish, make it  good one...

This week's post is being submitted to the weekly Dude Write blogging thingy (I think that's the official name).  You should go over there right now and check out some really good "dude writers".  I'm not kidding - get over there and check it out.  Seriously dude, why are you still here?  Don't make me pull this car over...

Puppy Dog Eyes

A few weeks ago, Sammi and her friend Kayla were playing upstairs in Sammi's room.  I was sitting in the living room when they both came downstairs.

Sammi:  "Daddy, can Kayla and I have some cookies?"

Me:  "Not now honey, it's almost dinner time."

Sammi:  "But Daddy - we are having a picnic with our dolls upstairs and we need cookies."

Me:  "No Samantha, you will spoil your appetite."

Sammi looked at me with her big brown eyes - so full of the innocence and wonderment of childhood...

Sammi (in her syrupy, sweetest little girl voice):  "Please Daddy - I don't get to play with Kayla very much and we just need a few cookies for our dolly-picnic."

Me (crumbling):  "Oh sure.  Just get a 'few' cookies though, and you have to promise to eat your dinner."

Sammi jumped up and kissed my cheek.  "Thanks Daddy!  You're the best!"

Sammi and Kayla ran into the kitchen to get their cookies.

My son Forrest, who had been sitting on the loveseat reading looked up at me and rolled his eyes.

Forrest:  "Really?!?"

Me:  "What?"

He didn't reply, he just shook his head and went back to his magazine.

A few seconds later I saw the girls running up towards Sammi's room with more than just a 'few' cookies.

Kayla:  "I'm surprised your Dad let us have these cookies right before dinner."

Sammi:  "I'm not.  I just gave him my 'puppy dog eyes'.  Works every time..."

Forrest (laughing under his breath):  "Sucker."

This week's post is being submitted to the weekly Dude Write blogging thingy (I think that's the official name).  You should go over there right now and check out some really good "dude writers".  I'm not kidding - get over there and check it out.  Seriously dude, why are you still here?  Don't make me pull this car over...

Halloween

The closer it gets to Halloween, the more excited Sammi gets.  She loves Halloween.  About a week ago, I was sitting on the couch working on my laptop when Sammi came into the room and plopped down beside me.

Sammi:  "Hey Daddy, why didn't the skeleton cross the road?"

Me (looking up):  "Uh what?"

Sammi (sighing):  "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road???"

Me:  "Why?"

Sammi (cracking up):  "Because he didn't have the guts!  Get it?  Skeletons don't have guts - they are just bones!"

Me:  "Good one!"

I went back to working with Sammi sitting quietly next to me for a few minutes.

Sammi (breaking the silence):  "Hey Dad?"

Me:  "What is it Honey?"

Sammi:  "Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?"

Me:  "Hmmm...  I'm not sure.  Why?"

Sammi:  "Because he's such a pain in the neck!  Get it? He bites people in the neck!"

Me (setting the laptop aside):  "Awesome!  Tell me some more."

Sammi:  "Okay.  What is a ghost's favorite fruit?"

Me:  "I know - booberries!"

Sammi:  "Nope.  Boo-nanas!"

Me (laughing):  "Great jokes Sweetie, but why all the scary monster jokes? "

Sammi:  "Because there is a very special holiday coming up."

Me:  "We tell monster jokes at Thanksgiving?"

Sammi:  "No silly!  My favorite holiday."

Me:  "Christmas?"

Sammi (punching me in the arm):  "No!  The holiday where we get lots of candy and there are scary things everywhere."

Me:  "Ohhh...  Valentine's Day.  Why didn't you just say so?"

Sammi (rolling over giggling):  "No Daddy - HALLOWEEN is coming up!"

Me:  "Oh yeah, Halloween.  So what are you going to dress up as this year?"

Sammi:  "I'm not sure, probably something very scary."

Me:  "What about a princess?" (knowing full well that she would never go as a princess) "Princesses are scary."

Sammi:  "A princess?!?  No way!  Lots of girls go as princesses while the boys get to be cool stuff!"

Me:  "So what are you going to be then?"

Sammi:  "Well, I was going to be a ninja with a cool sword or a scary pirate, but remember when I was an alien last year?"

Me:  "Yeah."

Sammi:  "Well, everybody thought I was a boy.  If I go as a pirate or a ninja this year, people might think I'm a boy again.  I guess I will go as a witch. That way people will know that I'm a girl, but I will still scare them."

Me:  "Good idea."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "...or maybe I'll go as you first thing in the morning - that's pretty scary."

My little monster getting ready for Halloween!

Stars (Revisited)

In honor of my daughter's 8th birthday, I'm reposting a poem I wrote for her last year.


Stars (for Sammi)

“We live beneath the stars.”

Father always said.

As he kissed me goodnight

and tucked me into bed.

“They watch down over us

as we sleep and as we dream.”

“Flowing through the night sky

like water in a stream.”

“But why?” asked I.

“Can’t I reach up

into the night and feel?”

“I want to hold them in my hands

so I know that they are real.”

“I want to grab the stars and clutch

 so tightly on to them.”

“Like they were a precious rock,

or a sparkly gem…”

“Silly girl,” Father said

as he smiled down at me.

“You cannot collect the stars

like pretty shells from the sea.”

“Now hush my precious little girl,

not another peep.”

“Lay your head down and close your eyes

it is time for you to sleep.”

After Father had left

and turned off all the lights - 
came a glow from under my pillow

so brilliant and so white.

A star I had grabbed earlier,

lay twinkling on my bed.

I smiled - then slept

with it tucked underneath my head.

Happy birthday Sammi!

Original post:  http://stuffsammisays.blogspot.com/2011/10/stars-for-sammi.html

Sunsets Explained

As we were leaving our local recreation complex yesterday evening (I was picking Sammi up from swimming lessons), we were greeted with one of the most breathtaking sunsets that I've ever seen.  A rainstorm had just passed through the area and the setting sun looked beautiful breaking through the rapidly disappearing clouds.  To top it all off, a huge rainbow went from one end of the sky to the other.  

We both sat down on a park bench for awhile in silence looking at the amazing scene.

Me (finally breaking the silence):  "Wow, what a beautiful sky!"

Sammi:  “Do you know what I think sunsets are Daddy?”

Me:  “What?”

Sammi:  “You know how when you have to go pee really bad it hurts, and then when you finally get to go it feels awesome?”

Me:  “Yeah...”

Sammi:  “Well, maybe sunsets are when God has to pee really badly and then when he finally gets to go it makes a beautiful sunset."

Me:  “That was very poetic Sammi.”

Sammi:  “I know."

Me:  "I never thought of it that way."

Sammi:  "You see all those yellows and oranges and reds in the sky?  God really had to pee tonight.”

Me (smiling):  "He's obviously also not drinking enough water."

Sammi (laughing):  "Silly daddy."

Me:  “So how do you explain the rainbow?”

Sammi:  “I think God farts rainbows…”

God Farted...

Differences

I was driving with Sammi one day last summer.

Sammi (out of the blue):  "Daddy, what's 'gay'?"

Me (taken aback):  "Uh... What???"

Sammi:  "What does 'gay' mean?"

Me:  "Why do you ask sweetie?"

Sammi:  "Sometimes I hear kids say it like - 'You're so gay', or 'That's so gay'.  I just wanted to know what it means."

Me (unsure of what exactly to say):  "Well...  When they say it like that, it's not very nice."

Sammi:  "Why?  What does it mean?"

I hadn't planned on having a conversation this deep with my seven year old daughter in the car that day, but I've also never been shy about talking to my kids about anything.  Over the years, some of the best one-on-one conversations I've had with my kids happened in our car.  So I dove in.

Me:  "So you know how a lot of men are attracted to and fall in love with women, and a lot of women are attracted to and fall in love with men?"

Sammi:  "Yeah."

Me:  "Well gay people are attracted to and fall in love with members of the same sex as them."

Sammi:  "So the boys fall in love with boys and the girls fall in love with girls?"

Me:  "Yes."

Sammi:  "So gay people just fall in love differently than you and me - right?"

Me:  "That's it."

Sammi:  "So what’s the big deal? Why do some people call others gay like it's a bad word?"

Me:  "Some people really don't like others who are different from them, so they say or do mean things to them."

Sammi (getting mad):  "So they are mean to them just because they love differently?!?"

Me:  "Unfortunately."

Sammi:  "That's stupid!  Everybody is different.  There are all kinds of different people in the world."

Me:  "You're right."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "Some are short and some are tall..."

Me:  "I know."

Sammi (still going):  "Some have different religions.  Some need wheelchairs…"

Me:  "Right."

Sammi (not to be silenced):  "Some people are different colors, some are skinny and some are fat..."

Me:  "Okay.  I get it Honey."

Sammi:  "If people were all exactly the same, then the world would be boring! We'd all be like robots or something."

Me:  "That's why we need to stand up to people that we see making fun of or hurting others because of their differences."

Sammi sat there in silence for a few minutes.  I could see her face in the mirror and it was obvious that she was thinking about some pretty big issues.  I resisted the urge to keep speaking - I wanted her to connect the dots and think on her own. 

Sammi (finally looking back up at me):  "You know what Daddy?  It makes me mad that people act mean to others - but we shouldn't hate them.  You know why?"

Me:  "Why?"

Sammi (smiling):  "Because then we would be just like them."

I smiled back into the rear-view mirror at my wise little philosopher.  

I think that this world would be a much better place if people could just drop all their social/political/religious/cultural baggage and try to see life through the eyes of a child.  It makes life a lot less complicated.

My smart girl...

School Lunch

I recently had a lunch date with Sammi at her school. I sat with her class in the school cafeteria.  As soon as I sat down, I was immediately surrounded by millions of 2nd graders all talking to me a mile a minute:

"I love all those pictures you draw on Sammi's lunch bags every day. Can you draw a picture of SpongeBob for me?"

"You look old. What are you - 100?"

"You look like a teacher, but you're really silly."

"Do you think you could beat up a tiger?"

"Put your veggie-straws in your nose so you'll look like you have tusks."

My responses to the kids (in order):

"Sure."

"Watch it kid!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Of course. Duh."

"Okay, but I won't eat them afterwards."

Sammi stayed pretty quiet during lunch; she just sat there eating her lunch, watching my shenanigans - smiling.

When it came time for all the kids to clean up and get ready to go outside for recess, Sammi hugged me really tight and said, "Thank you Daddy!"

Me:  "For what?  Eating lunch and acting silly?  I do that every day."

Sammi:  "No.  Thank you for being the most awesome daddy ever.  If you were a kid, you'd be the coolest kid in school."

Me (putting both thumbs up):  "I'm the coolest kid in school!  I'm cool like Fonzie!  Aaayyy!"

Sammi (rolling her eyes at me and smiling):  "Don't ruin it old man."

This blog is Fonzie Approved.