November 24, 2011

No Meat!!!

I was making dinner one night when Sammi came into the kitchen, looked in the frying pan and wrinkled her nose.

Sammi:  "Eww...  What's that?"

Me:  "Fried chicken."

Sammi:  "It's not made out of animals is it?"

Me:  "Uhhh, why do you ask?"

Sammi:  "Connor told me that meat comes from dead animals and I do NOT want to eat dead animals.  I want the meat without animals in it."

Me:  "Well sweetie, it's fried chicken - it's a chicken..."

Sammi (disgusted):  "So you mean that someone KILLED that chicken and now you're COOKING it and expect me to EAT it???  No.  I am not eating that!!!"

Me:  "But you love chicken..."

Sammi (stomping her foot on the ground):  "Not if it's made out of real chickens I don't."

That night, my boys and I ate fried chicken for dinner while Sammi enjoyed a nice 'chicken-less' salad.

November 17, 2011

The Pink Aisle

I took Sammi to Wal-Mart recently to buy a toy for her as a reward for helping me around the house.  We immediately found ourselves in the 'pink aisle' that was filled with baby dolls, Barbies, toy kitchens, Easy Bake Ovens...  I even saw toy vacuums and toy ironing boards.  After walking up and down the row a few times Sammi couldn't make up her mind.

Sammi:  "I've already got Barbies.  This row is kinda boring. Let’s go to the other row."

We went down another aisle that had toy cars, swords, action figures and Lego’s. 

Connor (Sammi's brother):  "This is a 'boy row’ - you can't get any of these toys..."

Sammi:  "Boy row?  That's not fair!  Just because I'm a girl I have to get a doll or a stupid toy vacuum?!?  Why can't I get a sword or a racecar if I want?  That's racist!!!"

After quickly explaining to her the difference between racism and sexism, I started thinking about the crazy way that the corporate world markets toys to kids and their parents.  They are reinforcing specific gender roles for children:  babies and 'homemaker' toys for girls and building sets, microscopes and sports for boys.  I instantly became as outraged as my daughter. 

Me:  "You're right honey that is stupid.  You can get a toy from any aisle that you want."

Sammi smiled and spent a few minutes looking at the Lego’s and the toy cars.  Eventually though, she made her way back to the pink aisle and settled on a baby doll after all... 

Oh well, at least she knows now that she never has to settle for the 'pink aisle' if she doesn't want to - it's her choice. 

I think for Christmas this year, I'll get her a remote-controlled car.

November 14, 2011

Zombie Attack!!!

I was wrestling with my two sons on the living room floor the other day when Sammi came staggering into the room stiff-legged, groaning with her arms out in front of her with a weird, vacant look on her face.

Me:  "What's wrong with you Sam?"

Sammi:  "I'm a ZOMBIE!!!  I need BRRRRAINSSS!!!"

She stumbled over to one of her brothers and pretended to eat his brains while he gave a death-scene performance worthy of an Academy Award. 

She then shuffled over to me, grabbed my head, then stopped suddenly - shook my head - looked in my ear - knocked on my skull a couple of times and then shrugged and staggered away.

Me:  "What?  You don't want to eat my brains?"

Sammi:  "You don't have any BRRRRAINSSS..."

She then lurched for her other brother leaving her poor 'brainless' Dad sitting there on the floor - un-zombified...

November 7, 2011


Sammi came bursting through the door after school one day with big news.

Sammi:  "Guess what Daddy???  A girl in my school got crunches!"

Me:  "She got what?"

Sammi:  "Crunches."

Me:  "What are crunches?"

Sammi (rolling her eyes):  "She fell off the monkey bars at recess and broke her leg so now she needs crunches to walk."

Me:  "Ohhh... You mean crutches."

Sammi (exasperated):  "No! I mean crunches!"

Me:  "Oh, okay - calm down.  Why do they call them crunches?"

Sammi (sighing):  "Because, that's the sound your bone makes when it breaks... Duh."

November 1, 2011


I was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work one day - shaving and brushing my hair.  Sammi was sitting next to me on the edge of the bathtub watching me.

Me:  "So how do I look?"

Sammi:  "I guess you look okay."

Me:  "Okay?  You don't think I look handsome?"

Sammi silently looked at me for a few minutes.

Sammi (with a twinkle in her eye):  "I bet if an old lady who never had a husband or a boyfriend saw you she might think you were just a tiny bit handsome."

Me (pretending to be outraged):  “An old lady?!?”

Sammi:  “Yeah, or if a blind lady has an operation and can suddenly see again and you are the first person she ever sees – then she might think you aren’t too ugly.”

Me:  “A blind lady?!?”

Sammi:  “Or maybe a lady hobo…”

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