June 29, 2011

My Daughter the Comedian

One night, Sammi was taking her nightly bath while I sat in the next room reading.

Sammi (screaming suddenly):  "Daddy!!!  Come quick!"

My heart skipped a beat as I immediately jumped up and ran into the bathroom where I was greeted by my daughter standing in the tub, bending over - showing me her bum.

Me:  "Wha...what happened?!?"

Sammi:  "I fell over and broke my butt.  See?  It's got a crack in it!"  At which point she fell back into the tub with a splash, laughing uncontrollably.


June 27, 2011

The Joke



Sammi (suppressing a giggle):  “Knock, knock.”

Me:  “Who’s there?”

Sammi:  “Butt.”

Me:  “Butt who?”

Sammi:  “Knock, knock.”

Me:  “Uh, who’s there?”

Sammi:  “Butt.”

Me:  “Butt who???”

Sammi:  “Knock, knock.”

Me:  “Who’s there?”

Sammi:  “Butt.”

Me (sighing):  “Butt who?!?”

Sammi:  “Knock, knock.”

Me:  “Alright, I’m getting a little tired of this.  Who is there?”

Sammi:  Orange.”

Me:  “Orange who?”

Sammi:  “Orange you glad I didn't say 'butt' again?”  At which point she ran out of the room giggling hysterically.

I still can't believe that I fell for it...



June 21, 2011

"I gotta go!!!"

Last summer I took my kids to the local swimming pool.  My boys stayed in the far side of the pool jumping off the diving board, playing with their friends.  I was having an awesome ‘lazy day’, sitting in the sun relaxing by the shallow end while my daughter played nearby.

Out of the blue, Sammi ran up to me in a panic.
“Daddy,” she whispered urgently, “I gotta go pee!”

I sighed, turned and looked behind me at the bathrooms.  They seemed so far away and I really didn’t want to leave the comfort of my deck chair to walk all the way back there. 

Suddenly, the solution popped into my head.

I leaned forward in my chair and whispered conspiratorially to my little angel, “Why don’t you just get back in the water and pee in the pool."

A look of total disgust came across Sammi’s face.

“What!” she hollered, “You want me to PEE IN THE POOL!!!”

Suddenly, it seemed like time stopped – all eyes were on me and everyone was staring at the awful parent who had just asked his kid to pee in the pool.

“I am NOT gonna PEE IN THE POOL!!!” she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

“Wait, what?!?” I replied feebly, “Nooo… I didn’t tell you to pee in the pool.  I said that we need to get out of the pool and go to the restroom silly.”

I stood up quickly, grabbed her hand and started the ‘walk of shame’ towards the public restroom feeling the heat from all the people staring at me as I went. 

The whole way to the restroom Sammi kept talking about what I’d just asked her to do in her best ‘outdoor voice’:
Sammi:  “Why would you tell me to pee in the pool?”
Me:  “Daddy was just joking, let’s keep our voice down.”
Sammi:  “But that is sooo disgusting!”
Me:  “I know honey. Let’s turn the volume down a little now okay?”
Sammi:  “People are supposed to pee in the potty – NOT the pool daddy!”
Me:  “I get it Sweetie.  Believe me, I get it…”




June 20, 2011

The Boss

Me:  “Didn’t I tell you to go to bed?  Why are you still up?”

Sammi:  “You’re not the boss.”

Me:  “Yes I am, now go to bed.”

Sammi:  “You are NOT the boss of this house.”

Me:  “Okay, if I’m not the boss, then who is?”

Sammi:  “Mommy.”


June 15, 2011

Maybe

Sammi (talking to her brother):  “When Mommy says ‘maybe’, that means ‘no’ - but when Daddy says ‘maybe’, that means ‘yes’.”




June 13, 2011

Hunter

Our dog, Hunter, recently died.  After a few weeks of grieving, Sammi had gotten over the worst of it.  There were still times, however, when the grief would resurface.

My kids and I were watching the Disney movie, “Bolt” a couple of weeks ago.  The movie is about a dog that gets separated from his owner (a little girl).  At one point in the movie I looked over and saw that Sammi’s eyes were full of tears.

Me:  “Why are you so sad Honey?”

Sammi:  “Oh Daddy,” she sobbed as she climbed into my lap and buried her face in my chest, “This movie made me think of Hunter.  I didn’t want to cry, but the tears just jumped into my eyes.”

I looked over at Sammi’s older brothers and they both had tears in their eyes now as well, so we turned off the movie and all just held on to each other and cried.

Crying and hugs can sometimes be very powerful therapy.

   RIP Hunter   2005 - 2011

June 9, 2011

What Did You Learn Today?

Sammi had just got home from school with her backpack full of papers and art projects.  I was anxious to hear all about her Kindergarten adventures that day. 
Sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for.

Me:  “Hi honey!  What did you learn in school today?”

Sammi:  “Well, Andrew told me at recess that boys can pee standing up because they’ve got the wieners.  How come I don’t got the wiener Daddy?”

Me:  “Uhhh…  Go ask Mommy.”



June 6, 2011

Bedtime Story

I was tucking Sammi in for the night.

Sammi:  “Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story?”

Me:  “Sure, what story do you want to hear?”

Sammi:  “Goldilocks and the 3 Stooges.”

Me:  “You mean Goldilocks and the 3 bears?”

Sammi thought for a minute, and then said, “I guess I did, but now I think Goldilocks and the 3 Stooges sounds better.”

So I proceeded to make up the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Stooges with lots of “nyuk, nyuk, nyuks” and “soitenlys” thrown in for good measure.  J

June 3, 2011

Lap Cat

I was sitting on the couch with our cat (Smokey) curled up on my lap when Sammi plopped down beside me.

"Come here Smokey," Sammi said, trying to lure the kitty away from my lap.

Smokey didn't budge.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."  This time she also made kissy sounds with her lips and patted her lap.

Smokey continued to ignore her.

"I guess Smokey just loves me more," I teased.

"He doesn't love you more," Sammi replied.  "He just likes laying on your lap because it is sooo fat."



June 1, 2011

Gross!

I was making dinner one night and Sammi came in to the kitchen and looked at the pan to see what I was making and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Sammi:  “Gross!  I hate that.”

Me:  “You’ve never had this, you might like it.  You should try it first.”

Sammi:  “What is it?”

Me: “Shrimp scampi.”

Sammi:  “Yeah, I've never had that before, but I know that I hate it…”



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