Do as I Say - Not as I Do...

The other night I made stir fry for dinner.  When we sat down for dinner, my son Connor took one look at all the vegetables and started complaining.

Connor:  “Oh my God Dad!  This looks so gross.  I can’t eat this – I hate all these vegetables!”

Before I could say anything, Sammi jumped to my defense.

Sammi:  “Connor, that is just rude!  Daddy works very hard to make us dinner!  You didn’t even try it before you started complaining!”

Much to my surprise, Connor didn’t argue with his sister. He actually picked up his fork and started eating.

I looked over at Sammi and smiled.

Me:  “Wow.  Thanks Sam.  Now how much stir fry would you like?”

Sammi:  “Oh, I’m not having any stir fry tonight.”

Me:  “What?  Why not?”

Sammi leaned in to me and whispered:  “I’m sorry Daddy - I got Connor to eat that stuff, but it just looks too disgusting for me – I’ll just have a jelly sandwich.”

Upside Down Waffles!

Sometimes it seems like Sammi loves to argue about anything.  This morning I was toasting frozen waffles for the kids’ breakfast…

Sammi:  “Why did you put the butter and syrup on the wrong side of my waffle?”

Me:  “What?”

Sammi:  “You put the butter and syrup on the wrong side of my waffle.  Why?”

Me:  “It’s not on the wrong side.”

Sammi:  “Yes it is.    

Me:  “How do you know that it’s the wrong side?”

Sammi:  “Because it’s upside down.”

Me:  “It can’t be upside down – the waffle is the same on both sides.”

Sammi:  “No it’s not – it’s upside down.”

Me:  “Okay, that’s just silly.  Eat your breakfast.”

Sammi:  “But I don’t like my waffles upside down.  I like them right-side up."

I reached over to her plate and flipped the waffle over.

Me:  “There!  Now it’s right-side up!”

Sammi:  “But Daddy!  Now my butter and syrup are on the wrong side…”

Me:  “Samantha Nicole, it is WAY too early to argue about this!”

Sammi:  “But my waffle is…”

Me:  “I do NOT want to hear another word about your waffle - PLEASE just eat your breakfast!!!”

At that time, my son Connor came shuffling into the kitchen and sat down for breakfast.

Connor:  “Good morning guys.”

Sammi leaned over to her brother and whispered very loudly while looking over at me and giving me a 'look':  “Connor, whatever you do, don’t say anything about the waffles being upside down to Daddy - he's a little grouchy this morning…”

Upside-Down Waffles...

What Part of 'No' Don't You Understand?

Sammi:  "Can I play with my Easy-Bake oven?"

Me:  "No honey.  It's too late."

Sammi:  "Please..."

Me:  "No Sammi.  It's time to go take your bath and get ready for bed."

Sammi:  "Pleeeeease..."

Me:  "No - now stop asking!"

Sammi:  "Puh-leeeeeeeze Daddy..."

Me:  "What part of 'No' don't you understand?!?"

Sammi (with a grin):  "The ‘Nnnn’ part."

Me:  "What?"

Sammi:  "You asked me what part of 'No' don’t I understand?  I don't understand the 'Nnnn' part.  I only understand the 'Oh' part."

Me:  "The 'Oh' part???"

Sammi:  "Yeah the 'Oh' part - like, 'Oh Sammi - it's Oh-kay if you stay up late and play with your Easy-Bake oven…”

She sure makes it hard to get mad at her.

Sick Girl

Recently, Sammi was very sick and we found ourselves spending a few looong nights in the local Emergency Room.  On our last night in the hospital, it was well after midnight; Sammi was laying in the hospital bed - one of her little arms had an IV in it, the other had bandages where the nurses had drawn blood.  I looked over at her from my chair next to her bed and she had finally fallen asleep.  I was very weary, so I propped my feet up and leaned over to share her pillow and drifted off to sleep myself...

The next thing I remember, I was groggily awakened out of a deep sleep.  Sammi's face was just a few inches from mine.

Sammi:  "Dad... Daddy... "  

Me:  "Wha-what?"

Sammi:  "Daddy, wake up!"

Me:  "Are you okay?!?"

Sammi:  "Yeah I'm okay.  Daddy, guess what?"

Me (yawning):  "What Sweetie?"

Sammi:  "Did you know if your hand is larger than your face, you're highly intelligent?"

Me (still very groggy):  "What?"

Sammi:  "If your hand is larger than your face, you're highly intelligent. Did you know that?"

Me:  "Really?"

Sammi:  "Yeah, try it."

Sleepily I raised my hand and put it in front of my face - just in time to see her eyes light up followed by her hitting the back of my hand as hard as she could, making me slap myself in the face.

Sammi (giggling):  "I guess you're not that intelligent."

It was then that I realized that she had turned the corner and was getting better.  She was still pale and a little frail, but the spark was back...

  Sammi getting ready to get the heck outta the hospital.

Child Proof

I was cooking breakfast this morning for my kids while they were getting ready for school.

Sammi:  "I'm ready Daddy.  Can I help you?"

Me:  "Sure!  Open the bottle of vitamins and put a vitamin pill by everyone's plate."

Sammi struggled to open the bottle for a few minutes before giving up.

Sammi (frustrated):  "I can't open this!"

Me:  "I'm sorry honey let me get that for you.  I forgot that it's a 'child-proof' bottle."

Sammi:  "Child-proof bottle?"

Me:  "Yep."

Sammi was quiet for a few seconds and I could see her wheels turning.

Sammi:  "So how does the bottle know that I'm a child?"