December 19, 2012

Merry Christmas!

Hi everyone!  I have been extremely busy this month - doing the 'single dad' thing, going to all the holiday recitals, band concerts, etc...  Because of that, I really haven't had a lot of time to sit down and work on my blog.
I haven't forgotten about you though - I will be off next week and should have some free time to get caught up on my blog writing (and reading).
In the mean time, here is a holiday post from a year ago that really made me laugh:

He Sees You When You're Sleeping...

A couple of weeks ago when I was tucking Sammi in for the night, she asked me to sing her a bedtime song.  Since it was right before Christmas, I sang "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".  

Me:  “You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout I’m telling you why.”
         “Santa Claus is coming to town.”
         “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake…”

Sammi (interrupting):  "Daddy, is this song true?"

Me:  “What???”

Sammi:  “Is this song really true?”

Me (debating on how much to say):  "Uhhh…  Why do you ask?"

Sammi:  "Well, I know that Santa has to check and make sure that I've been good all year, but does he really need to see me when I'm sleeping?"

Me:  "Well honey, it's just a song..."

Sammi (relieved):  "That's good!  I think if that song were true, I wouldn't be able to sleep at all!"

Me:  "Why not?"

Sammi (shuddering):  "Because the thought of Santa watching me sleep is really creepy.  I'd be worried that if I woke up, he'd just be standing there - staring at me..."

Actually, she’s right – that is a creepy thought…  

December 3, 2012

For the Birds

Me:  What are you reading there honey?"

Sammi:  "A book called Incredible Bird Facts that I got at the library today."

Me:  "Sounds great!  Tell me an incredible bird fact."

Sammi:  "Did you know that all parrots are named Polly?"

Me:  "Really?  You didn't read that in your book did you?"

Sammi:  "No. I haven't got to the parrot chapter yet - but it's true."

Me:  "So how do you know that all parrots are named Polly?"

Sammi:  "Have you ever heard anyone say, 'Mary want a cracker?' No.  It's always Polly."

Me (amused):  "Hmmm...  I guess I never thought much about parrot names.  Do you have any other incredible bird facts?"

Sammi:  "Sure!  Did you know that birds who eat fried chicken are cannibals?"

Me (laughing):  "I didn't know that a bird who ate another bird would be considered to be a cannibal."

Sammi:  "Yeah - except for eagles."

Me:  "That's because they are carnivorous right?"

Sammi:  "No.  Because eagles are awesome. They can eat anything they want."

Me:  "Let me guess - you didn't read about cannibal birds in your book either?"

Sammi:  "No.  For a book called Incredible Bird Facts, it's really not very incredible.  I could write a much better book with really incredible bird facts!"

Me:  "Now that's a book that I'd love to read."

November 21, 2012

It's A Major Award!

The dudes over at Dude Write have saw fit to award me with a few "Man Cards" for my last post - Forrest.

Thanks dudes!  If you haven't checked out their blog, I highly encourage you to do so - lots of talented writers there.  LINK

November 17, 2012


Stuff My Daughter Says has been temporarily replaced (today only) for Stuff My Son Says:

I was sitting in the car yesterday with my oldest son, Forrest, waiting for my other son to get out of middle school for the day. 

Forrest was flipping through all the radio stations complaining loudly that there wasn't any Christmas music playing yet. 

He finally stopped scrolling through all the radio stations and said, "All I want is to be able to listen to Christmas music. Is that too much to ask?!?" 

As soon as he said this, the song that was playing had stopped and the announcer came on and said, "We have listened to your requests for holiday music - so here you are!" Then they immediately started playing Christmas music...

Forrest and I sat there in stunned silence staring at each other in disbelief. Finally, he looked out of the window and shouted up to the sky, "All I want is to be surrounded by Victoria's Secret models!!!"

If you're gonna make a wish, make it  good one...

This week's post is being submitted to the weekly Dude Write blogging thingy (I think that's the official name).  You should go over there right now and check out some really good "dude writers".  I'm not kidding - get over there and check it out.  Seriously dude, why are you still here?  Don't make me pull this car over...

November 8, 2012

Puppy Dog Eyes

A few weeks ago, Sammi and her friend Kayla were playing upstairs in Sammi's room.  I was sitting in the living room when they both came downstairs.

Sammi:  "Daddy, can Kayla and I have some cookies?"

Me:  "Not now honey, it's almost dinner time."

Sammi:  "But Daddy - we are having a picnic with our dolls upstairs and we need cookies."

Me:  "No Samantha, you will spoil your appetite."

Sammi looked at me with her big brown eyes - so full of the innocence and wonderment of childhood...

Sammi (in her syrupy, sweetest little girl voice):  "Please Daddy - I don't get to play with Kayla very much and we just need a few cookies for our dolly-picnic."

Me (crumbling):  "Oh sure.  Just get a 'few' cookies though, and you have to promise to eat your dinner."

Sammi jumped up and kissed my cheek.  "Thanks Daddy!  You're the best!"

Sammi and Kayla ran into the kitchen to get their cookies.

My son Forrest, who had been sitting on the loveseat reading looked up at me and rolled his eyes.

Forrest:  "Really?!?"

Me:  "What?"

He didn't reply, he just shook his head and went back to his magazine.

A few seconds later I saw the girls running up towards Sammi's room with more than just a 'few' cookies.

Kayla:  "I'm surprised your Dad let us have these cookies right before dinner."

Sammi:  "I'm not.  I just gave him my 'puppy dog eyes'.  Works every time..."

Forrest (laughing under his breath):  "Sucker."

This week's post is being submitted to the weekly Dude Write blogging thingy (I think that's the official name).  You should go over there right now and check out some really good "dude writers".  I'm not kidding - get over there and check it out.  Seriously dude, why are you still here?  Don't make me pull this car over...

October 26, 2012


The closer it gets to Halloween, the more excited Sammi gets.  She loves Halloween.  About a week ago, I was sitting on the couch working on my laptop when Sammi came into the room and plopped down beside me.

Sammi:  "Hey Daddy, why didn't the skeleton cross the road?"

Me (looking up):  "Uh what?"

Sammi (sighing):  "Why didn't the skeleton cross the road???"

Me:  "Why?"

Sammi (cracking up):  "Because he didn't have the guts!  Get it?  Skeletons don't have guts - they are just bones!"

Me:  "Good one!"

I went back to working with Sammi sitting quietly next to me for a few minutes.

Sammi (breaking the silence):  "Hey Dad?"

Me:  "What is it Honey?"

Sammi:  "Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?"

Me:  "Hmmm...  I'm not sure.  Why?"

Sammi:  "Because he's such a pain in the neck!  Get it? He bites people in the neck!"

Me (setting the laptop aside):  "Awesome!  Tell me some more."

Sammi:  "Okay.  What is a ghost's favorite fruit?"

Me:  "I know - booberries!"

Sammi:  "Nope.  Boo-nanas!"

Me (laughing):  "Great jokes Sweetie, but why all the scary monster jokes? "

Sammi:  "Because there is a very special holiday coming up."

Me:  "We tell monster jokes at Thanksgiving?"

Sammi:  "No silly!  My favorite holiday."

Me:  "Christmas?"

Sammi (punching me in the arm):  "No!  The holiday where we get lots of candy and there are scary things everywhere."

Me:  "Ohhh...  Valentine's Day.  Why didn't you just say so?"

Sammi (rolling over giggling):  "No Daddy - HALLOWEEN is coming up!"

Me:  "Oh yeah, Halloween.  So what are you going to dress up as this year?"

Sammi:  "I'm not sure, probably something very scary."

Me:  "What about a princess?" (knowing full well that she would never go as a princess) "Princesses are scary."

Sammi:  "A princess?!?  No way!  Lots of girls go as princesses while the boys get to be cool stuff!"

Me:  "So what are you going to be then?"

Sammi:  "Well, I was going to be a ninja with a cool sword or a scary pirate, but remember when I was an alien last year?"

Me:  "Yeah."

Sammi:  "Well, everybody thought I was a boy.  If I go as a pirate or a ninja this year, people might think I'm a boy again.  I guess I will go as a witch. That way people will know that I'm a girl, but I will still scare them."

Me:  "Good idea."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "...or maybe I'll go as you first thing in the morning - that's pretty scary."

My little monster getting ready for Halloween!

October 12, 2012

Stars (Revisited)

In honor of my daughter's 8th birthday, I'm reposting a poem I wrote for her last year.

Stars (for Sammi)

“We live beneath the stars.”
Father always said.
As he kissed me goodnight
and tucked me into bed.

“They watch down over us
as we sleep and as we dream.”
“Flowing through the night sky
like water in a stream.”

“But why?” asked I.

“Can’t I reach up
into the night and feel?”
“I want to hold them in my hands
so I know that they are real.”

“I want to grab the stars and clutch
 so tightly on to them.”
“Like they were a precious rock,
or a sparkly gem…”

“Silly girl,” Father said
as he smiled down at me.
“You cannot collect the stars
like pretty shells from the sea.”

“Now hush my precious little girl,
not another peep.”
“Lay your head down and close your eyes
it is time for you to sleep.”

After Father had left
and turned off all the lights - 
came a glow from under my pillow
so brilliant and so white.

A star I had grabbed earlier,
lay twinkling on my bed.
I smiled - then slept
with it tucked underneath my head.

Happy birthday Sammi!

Original post:

October 3, 2012

Sunsets Explained

As we were leaving our local recreation complex yesterday evening (I was picking Sammi up from swimming lessons), we were greeted with one of the most breathtaking sunsets that I've ever seen.  A rainstorm had just passed through the area and the setting sun looked beautiful breaking through the rapidly disappearing clouds.  To top it all off, a huge rainbow went from one end of the sky to the other.  
We both sat down on a park bench for awhile in silence looking at the amazing scene.

Me (finally breaking the silence):  "Wow, what a beautiful sky!"

Sammi:  “Do you know what I think sunsets are Daddy?”

Me:  “What?”

Sammi:  “You know how when you have to go pee really bad it hurts, and then when you finally get to go it feels awesome?”

Me:  “Yeah...”

Sammi:  “Well, maybe sunsets are when God has to pee really badly and then when he finally gets to go it makes a beautiful sunset."

Me:  “That was very poetic Sammi.”

Sammi:  “I know."

Me:  "I never thought of it that way."

Sammi:  "You see all those yellows and oranges and reds in the sky?  God really had to pee tonight.”

Me (smiling):  "He's obviously also not drinking enough water."

Sammi (laughing):  "Silly daddy."

Me:  “So how do you explain the rainbow?”

Sammi:  “I think God farts rainbows…”

God Farted...

September 26, 2012


I was driving with Sammi one day last summer.

Sammi (out of the blue):  "Daddy, what's 'gay'?"

Me (taken aback):  "Uh... What???"

Sammi:  "What does 'gay' mean?"

Me:  "Why do you ask sweetie?"

Sammi:  "Sometimes I hear kids say it like - 'You're so gay', or 'That's so gay'.  I just wanted to know what it means."

Me (unsure of what exactly to say):  "Well...  When they say it like that, it's not very nice."

Sammi:  "Why?  What does it mean?"

I hadn't planned on having a conversation this deep with my seven year old daughter in the car that day, but I've also never been shy about talking to my kids about anything.  Over the years, some of the best one-on-one conversations I've had with my kids happened in our car.  So I dove in.

Me:  "So you know how a lot of men are attracted to and fall in love with women, and a lot of women are attracted to and fall in love with men?"

Sammi:  "Yeah."

Me:  "Well gay people are attracted to and fall in love with members of the same sex as them."

Sammi:  "So the boys fall in love with boys and the girls fall in love with girls?"

Me:  "Yes."

Sammi:  "So gay people just fall in love differently than you and me - right?"

Me:  "That's it."

Sammi:  "So what’s the big deal? Why do some people call others gay like it's a bad word?"

Me:  "Some people really don't like others who are different from them, so they say or do mean things to them."

Sammi (getting mad):  "So they are mean to them just because they love differently?!?"

Me:  "Unfortunately."

Sammi:  "That's stupid!  Everybody is different.  There are all kinds of different people in the world."

Me:  "You're right."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "Some are short and some are tall..."

Me:  "I know."

Sammi (still going):  "Some have different religions.  Some need wheelchairs…"

Me:  "Right."

Sammi (not to be silenced):  "Some people are different colors, some are skinny and some are fat..."

Me:  "Okay.  I get it Honey."

Sammi:  "If people were all exactly the same, then the world would be boring! We'd all be like robots or something."

Me:  "That's why we need to stand up to people that we see making fun of or hurting others because of their differences."

Sammi sat there in silence for a few minutes.  I could see her face in the mirror and it was obvious that she was thinking about some pretty big issues.  I resisted the urge to keep speaking - I wanted her to connect the dots and think on her own. 

Sammi (finally looking back up at me):  "You know what Daddy?  It makes me mad that people act mean to others - but we shouldn't hate them.  You know why?"

Me:  "Why?"

Sammi (smiling):  "Because then we would be just like them."

I smiled back into the rear-view mirror at my wise little philosopher.  

I think that this world would be a much better place if people could just drop all their social/political/religious/cultural baggage and try to see life through the eyes of a child.  It makes life a lot less complicated.

My smart girl...

September 13, 2012

School Lunch

I recently had a lunch date with Sammi at her school. I sat with her class in the school cafeteria.  As soon as I sat down, I was immediately surrounded by millions of 2nd graders all talking to me a mile a minute:

"I love all those pictures you draw on Sammi's lunch bags every day. Can you draw a picture of SpongeBob for me?"

"You look old. What are you - 100?"

"You look like a teacher, but you're really silly."

"Do you think you could beat up a tiger?"

"Put your veggie-straws in your nose so you'll look like you have tusks."

My responses to the kids (in order):


"Watch it kid!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Of course. Duh."

"Okay, but I won't eat them afterwards."

Sammi stayed pretty quiet during lunch; she just sat there eating her lunch, watching my shenanigans - smiling.

When it came time for all the kids to clean up and get ready to go outside for recess, Sammi hugged me really tight and said, "Thank you Daddy!"

Me:  "For what?  Eating lunch and acting silly?  I do that every day."

Sammi:  "No.  Thank you for being the most awesome daddy ever.  If you were a kid, you'd be the coolest kid in school."

Me (putting both thumbs up):  "I'm the coolest kid in school!  I'm cool like Fonzie!  Aaayyy!"

Sammi (rolling her eyes at me and smiling):  "Don't ruin it old man."

This blog is Fonzie Approved.

September 7, 2012

Justin Bieber

After picking Sammi up a while back from a sleepover with several of her friends:

Me:  "So, how was your sleepover?"

Sammi:  "It was AWESOME!  We camped in the backyard, stayed up late and told scary stories, ate a lot of snacks and listened to music - but guess what?"

Me:  "What?"

Sammi:  "All the other girls just wanted to listen to Justin Bieber."

Me:  "I guess that makes sense, he is pretty popular with little girls..."

Sammi:  "But I HATE Justin Bieber!"

Me:  "Yeah I know that, but..."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "I asked them if they could play some Bob Marley, the Beatles or even Queen - but they didn't even know who I was talking about! Can you believe that?"

Me (in mock outrage):  "Wow, you're right!  I can't believe that a bunch of six and seven year old girls would rather listen to Justin Bieber than to some dead singers from a long time ago..."

Sammi:  "But Dad - who doesn't know who Bob Marley is?!?  Buffalo Soldier?  Three Little Birds?  C'mon, seriously?"

Me:  "Well Sweetie, I think the reason you listen to and like the music you do, is because that's what Daddy listens to and likes.  It's what you've been exposed to.  Does that make sense?"

Sammi (still shaking her head):  "Yeah I guess...  I still had a really fun time at the sleepover though."

Me:  "Great!"

Sammi:  "But I will never agree that Justin Bieber is a good singer. Ever."

Me:  "Me either honey.  Me either."

August 27, 2012

Dice Fight!!!

Sammi:  "Daddy?  Can we play Dice Fight?"

Me:  "Sure.  What's Dice Fight?"

Sammi:  "It's a really, really fun game that I just now invented."

Me (sitting down on the floor next to her):  "Sounds great!  How do you play?"

Sammi:  "Oh, it's easy!  Let's just start playing.  You'll catch on."

Sammi pulled out a lopsided cardboard cube that was held together by lots of scotch tape.  She had drawn the 'dice dots' on the cube so it made a perfect home-made die.

Sammi:  "First we roll to see who goes first."

I rolled a five and Sammi rolled a four.

Sammi:  "I got a four!  I go first!"

Me:  "So... The highest number doesn't go first?"

Sammi:  "Not this time."

Me:  "Why?"

Sammi (rolling her eyes):  "Because I got a four. That's why."

Sammi rolled again:  "Awesome - I rolled a two!  You know what that means?"

Me:  "Uhhh...  No."

Sammi:  "DICE FIGHT!"

With a terrifying scream, Sammi lunged at me - punching, kicking, spinning and laughing.  Bruce Lee, on his best day, never landed as many punches as my daughter did in that moment.  I started laughing and held her down and started tickling her.

Sammi:  "No tickling allowed Daddy!  You lose your turn."

Me:  "Oh, okay.  Sorry."

Sammi:  "That's okay - you just need to follow the rules."

Me:  "But I don't know the..."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "Oh cool- I rolled a four!  You know what that means?"

Me:  "I don't know - what?"

Sammi:  "DICE FIGHT!!!"

Sammi flew at me again.  She looked like the Tasmanian Devil from the old Loony Tunes cartoons - spinning, kicking and punching.  I felt like I was on a blind date with Chris Brown.

After a few minutes of fighting and wrestling and laughing, Sammi declared that it was now my turn.  I rolled the die and got a six.

Me:  "Hey, hey, hey! Look at that!  I got a six!"

Sammi (shaking her head):  "Sorry Daddy.  That means you lose a turn."

Me:  "Lose my turn?  Just because I rolled a six?"

Sammi (snatching the die from my hand):  "Duh!"

Sammi:  "Ooooh...  I just rolled a one - you know what that means???"

Me:  "Dice fight?"

Sammi (laughing):  "No silly!  It means - FREE TUMMY PUNCH!!!"

Sammi swung as hard as she could at my stomach.  Unfortunately, her aim was a few inches too low and her little fist connected to my 'mommy-daddy buttons' like Rocky Balboa hitting a side of frozen beef...

As I crumpled to the floor and curled into the fetal position, my sweet little daughter laughed at me and jumped up.

Sammi (stepping over my crumpled body):  "I win!!!  That was sooo much fun!  I'm gonna go get a snack and then we can play again - okay Daddy?"

Me (trying to remain conscious):  "...ok sweetie..."

August 10, 2012

We Are Young

The other day I was driving Sammi to school.  It was the first day of 2nd grade and she was very excited.  She was wearing her new school clothes and her new backpack and she was holding (of course) her stuffed pink monkey.

We were listening to the radio and the song "We Are Young" by Fun came on.  We both started loudly singing along - especially during the chorus.

Me (singing):  "We are young! So let's set the world on fire we can grow brighter..."

Sammi (who had stopped singing):  "Uh, Dad?"

Me (oblivious):  "...than the su-unn!"

Sammi:  "DADDY!"

Me (turning the radio down):  "What is it Honey?"

Sammi:  "You really shouldn't be singing this song."

Me:  "Why?  Is my singing that bad?"

Sammi:  "Nooo...  Your voice isn't too terrible."

Me:  "What is it then?"

Sammi:  "Well, me and Pink Monkey can sing it, 'cause we ARE young.  But you're way too old, so you shouldn't sing it."

Me:  "So I can't sing that song because I'm too old?"

Sammi:  "Maybe if there was a song called 'We Are Old' - then you could sing that one..."

Me  (pretending to be upset):  "Ouch!  I guess I really don't beat you enough do I?"

Sammi (grabbing her school bag and getting out of the car):  "Silly Daddy.  You know you're not tough enough to beat me."

I gave her a kiss and told her to have a great first day of school.  She started to walk away - stopped - turned around and ran back to me, jumping into my arms.

Sammi (hugging me tightly and whispering into my ear):  "I love you Daddy.  I was just kidding - you can sing that song if you want."

Me:  "Wow thanks Sweetie - but I knew you were just kidding."

Sammi started walking back towards the school when she turned around one last time.

Sammi (smiling):  "You are still pretty old though."

Thanks to the dudes over at Dude Write this week who saw fit to award me these "Man Cards" for this post.  Check out their blog where you can find some excellent posts by other "dude-bloggers".

August 7, 2012

I'm back!

Thought you got rid of me didn't you?  Well, the past few months have kinda been a crazy time personally for my family and I haven't had a lot of time for writing on either of my blogs, but after this recent hiatus, I just wanted to let you know that I am back.  
I will be back to my posting schedule starting again tomorrow.  Thanks for sticking with me.

July 3, 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Idiot Hunter

I took my kids to see the Disney movie "Brave" on Sunday.  While we were waiting in line to buy our tickets, 2 teenage girls in front of us (maybe 13 or 14 years old) were talking about the movie "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter".

Girl 1: "I heard that they based that movie on a real guy."

Girl 2: "Duh.  He was like the President or something a long time ago..."

Girl 1: "Yeah, but there weren't real vampires though - they added that part to the movie to make it more interesting."

Sammi looked at both girls, shook her head and muttered out loud, "Oh my God..."

I tried to hush her, but that seemed to make her speak louder, "Seriously???  Dad, did you hear those girls talking about Abraham Lincoln?!? They must be idiots!"

I gave Sammi a few dollars and shooed her away, "Hey, I’ve got a good idea - why don't you go wait over by the games with your brothers?"

As Sammi ran off, the girls watched her go then looked back at me.  They both looked somewhat annoyed.

I smiled at them, shrugged and said, "Well, she's got a pretty good point..."

The girls both turned back around in a huff and didn't say another word.


June 28, 2012

Up Dog

Last week after I picked Sammi up from camp:

Me:  "Hey Sammi!  How was Girl Scout camp?"

Sammi:  "It was awesome!  We sang songs and played games..."

Me:  "What did you have for lunch?"

Sammi:  "For lunch?

Me:  "Yeah.  What did they give you for lunch today?"

Sammi (grinning):  "For lunch today,  I had a big bowl of updog."

Me (taking the bait):  "Updog?  What's updog?"

Sammi:  "Not much.  What's up with you dawg?!?  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Yes... I fell for it.

June 21, 2012

Oh Snap!

I was driving down the street the other day with Sammi, when we drove past a lady standing on the street talking to the mailman.  She was barely wearing a teeny-tiny pink string bikini, weighed about 300 pounds and was covered from head to toe in tattoos.

Sammi:  "Hmmm."

Me:  "What?"

Sammi:  "Did you see that lady?"

Me (chuckling):  "Oh yeah."

Sammi (looking conflicted):  "Well..."

Me:  "What is it?"

Sammi:  "Well, I think it's great that she dresses how she likes and some of her tattoos looked kinda cool, but..."

Me:  "But what?"

Sammi:  "But I think if she’s gonna stand around on the street in a bikini like that, then maybe she needs to spend a little less time in the tattoo parlor and a little more time in the gym..."

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by other "dude-bloggers".

June 4, 2012

Best Dad Ever

Sammi always tells me that I am the 'best dad ever'.  The other day, my mom and I were sitting in her kitchen as Sammi sat next to us coloring a picture, when my dad came in from outside.

Me:  "Sammi, did you know that my dad is the best dad ever?"

Sammi (without looking up from her coloring book):  "No he isn't.  You're the best dad ever."

Me:  "I know you like to tell me that, but when I was a little boy, I always thought that my daddy was the best dad ever."

Sammi:  "Well you were wrong.  He's not the best - you are."

Me:  "That's awfully nice of you to say to me, but who do you think taught me to be such a good daddy?"

Sammi looked up from her coloring book.  She looked over at my dad and then shrugged,  "From Grandma, of course."

May 30, 2012


Sammi (skipping into the room):  "Daddy, did you know that The Supremes' version of You Can't Hurry Love is much better than the Phil Collins remake?"

Me (blank stare on my face):  "..."

Sammi:  "Did you hear me?"

Me:  "Uh... I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Sammi:  "I said that Diana Ross and The Supremes sang  You Can't Hurry Love much better than Phil Collins.  I know that Phil Collins is a great singer, but I just think that The Supremes sang that song so much better."

Me:  "..."

Sammi:  "Don't you agree???"

Me:  "..."

Sammi:  "Daddy!"

Me: "Uh... Actually, yes - yes I do - but, wait...  How do you even know about those singers or that song?!?  You're SEVEN!"

Sammi (rolling her eyes):  "I not a baby Daddy - I know stuff!"

Sammi shook her head at my obvious lack of intelligence and then skipped back out of the room singing You Can't Hurry Love to herself, leaving me sitting there alone scratching my head...

Sometimes it's a bit surreal being the father of a seven year old who is smarter than I am.

May 23, 2012

Career Day

The entire first grade at Sammi’s school recently had "career day".  Each child was supposed to dress up like the person they want to be when they grow up.  Sammi had a particularly hard time deciding what to wear.  She had a week to prepare, and the night before career day, she was still undecided.

Sammi:  "Daddy!  I need help!  I can't decide what to be for career day tomorrow."

Me:  "Well, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Sammi:  "I want to be a marine biologist and a teacher and I want to write children’s books too."

Me:  "That sounds perfect!  We can get your stuffed dolphin and..."

Sammi (cutting me off):  "No.  I think I might want to be something else."

Me:  "Well you can be anything you want to be - you know that honey."

Sammi:  "I know Daddy, but Caleb in my class doesn't."

Me:  "What do you mean?"

Sammi:  "One boy said he was going to be a cook for career day and Caleb laughed at him and said boys can't be cooks."

Me:  "That's not right.  Lots of boys are cooks.  I'm a pretty good cook."

Sammi:  "That's what I said!  I told him that boys and girls can be anything they want to be!"

Me:  "What did he say to that?"

Sammi:  "Caleb just laughed at me and said there are lots of things a boy can't be - like nurses.  I got mad and told him that when I was in the hospital that I had two boy nurses AND that my doctor was a girl." 

Me:  "Way to put him in his place.  What is Mr. Caleb going to be for career day?"

Sammi:  "He's going to wear camouflage and be a soldier....  Ooh!  Now I know what I want to be for career day!"

With that, Sammi ran upstairs and came down a little while later in her nice dress with her hair tied back.

Me:  "So, who are you supposed to be?"

Sammi:  "If Caleb wants to be a soldier, then I'll be his boss - the President of the United States!"

She’s definitely got my vote.

May 14, 2012


Sammi LOVES to tease her big brother Connor.  Connor is usually kind of grumpy in the morning, which makes him especially susceptible to his little sister's teasing when he first gets up.

The other morning, Sammi was already at the table eating her breakfast when Connor finally stumbled into the room.

Me:  "Good morning Connor."

Connor (barely audible):  "Morning."

Sammi looked at her grumpy brother for a minute as he sat down at the table.  She then took a big bite of cereal and with her mouth full said, "Good morning Connor!!!"

Connor:  "Sammi!  Shut your mouth when you talk - that's so gross!"

Sammi filled her mouth with another huge bite of cereal and said:  "I'm sorry Connor; I don't understand what you're talking about."  As she spoke, cereal flew out of her mouth all over the table.

Connor:  "Oh my god!  Now you’re spraying the table with Rice Krispies!  Dad, please make her stop!!!"

Me:  "Come on Samantha - cut it out."

Sammi:  "I'm sorry daddy.  I must have accidentally had some food in my mouth when I told Connor good morning.  I was just trying to be a good sister - he didn't need to yell at me."

Me:  "Just don't do it again.  Okay?"

Sammi:  "Okay Daddy."  She then turned to her brother with a big smile on her face:  "Hey Connor, do you like seafood?"

Connor:  "I am not going to answer that question - I know what you're going to do!"

Sammi (innocently):  "What?!?  I just wanted to know if you like to eat fish and lobster. You know - seafood. What’s the big deal???  I like seafood."

Connor:  "Yes, I guess I like seafood..."

Sammi:  "Okay then- here's your seafood!"  With that, she opened her mouth and showed her brother all the chewed up food on her tongue.  "SEE FOOD?"

Connor:  "DAD!!!"
Did you say seafood?!?

May 1, 2012

Chicken McButts

We were going out one night to grab a quick bite to eat and the kids were trying to figure out where they wanted to go.

Sammi:  "What about McDonald's?"

Connor (Sammi's brother):  "No!  Yuck!"

Sammi:  "But I want a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal."

Connor:  "Do you know how they make the McNuggets???"

Sammi:  "How?"

Connor:  "I better not tell you."

Sammi:  "Why not?"

Connor:  "Trust me, you don't want to know - it's too disgusting!"

Sammi:  "So what part of the chicken is the McNugget anyway?"

Connor (leaning in and whispering):  "I think it's the butt."

Sammi (laughing):  "I guess that's why they call them Chicken McNuggets.  Because nobody would want to eat Chicken McButts..."

Maybe they're not chicken butts after all...

April 23, 2012

Grandpa - part 2

The other day, Sammi and I were sitting in my Mom and Dad's kitchen.

Sammi:  "Daddy, why are some men bald?"

Me:  "Well, some men lose their hair and others just shave their heads."

Sammi:  "Will you ever be bald?"

Me:  "Not if I can help it."

Sammi:  "Why not?"

Me:  "Some guys look good bald, but with my huge noggin, I'd look like the Elephant Man. Now your brother has a nice round head - he'd look good bald."

Sammi:  "Yeah..."

Me:  "Your Grandpa would look good bald too."

Sammi:  "No he wouldn't."

Me:  "You don't think so?"

Sammi:  "Nope.  His ears are way too big."

Grandpa (yelling from the other room):  "Hey!  I heard that!"

Sammi (without missing a beat):  "Of course you did - your ears are so big you probably hear everything!"

Sammi's awesome Grandpa

April 18, 2012


Sammi's favorite person in the whole world (except for me of course), is my Dad.  One of her favorite hobbies is teasing Grandpa.  Last week they were getting ready for my son, Connor's birthday party.

Sammi:  "What year was Connor born Grandpa?"

Grandpa:  "He was born in 2000."

Sammi:  "What about Forrest?"

Grandpa:  "He was born in 1997."

Sammi:  "What about my Daddy?"

Grandpa:  "He was born all the way back in 1965."

Sammi:  "Wow.  What year were you born?"

Grandpa:  "What year do you think I was born?"

Sammi was quiet for a minute while she looked him up and down.

Sammi:  "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say you were born sometime in the 1700's..."

Sammi and her Grandpa

April 9, 2012

The Bike Master

Me:  "Let's go Sammi, get in the car."

Sammi:  "Where we going Daddy?"

Me:  "Well it's a beautiful day, so I thought we'd go find an empty parking lot so you can learn how to ride your bike."

Sammi (stopping dead in her tracks):  "Uhhh... My bike?"

Me:  "Yep."

Sammi:  "But my bike doesn't even have training wheels on it."

Me:  "You're too big for training wheels.  You're going to learn how to ride a two-wheeler today."

Sammi:  "But what if I fall off?"

Me:  "You've got a helmet and pads for your elbows and knees.  I think you'll be okay."

Sammi:  "What about my shoulders, or my face, or my butt?  Are you sure there aren't any other pads that we can buy?"

Me (smiling):  "You're going to be okay.  Let's go."

I finally talked her into getting in the car and we found a large, empty parking lot.  I got her all "padded up" and started the bike riding lesson.  I ran beside Sammi as she pedaled. At one point I decided to let go and she kept pedaling.

Me (excited):  "You're doing great!  Look, you're doing it all by yourself."

Sammi looked over at me and saw that I was no longer holding on to her.  Her beaming smile vanished instantly and was replaced by a look of abject terror.  She twisted her handle bars and flipped over them landing on the pavement with a thud.

Sammi (screaming):  "WHY DID YOU LET GO OF ME?!?"

Me:  "You were doing so well honey - you were riding all by yourself!"

Sammi (taking her helmet off and dropping it next to the bike):  "You made me crash by letting go!  I hate this bike - I'm never getting on it again!"

Sammi sat down on the ground next to her fallen bike, took a drink from her water bottle and glared off into the distance.
Just then, a father and daughter rode by the parking lot on their bikes.  They were talking and laughing.  Sammi quietly watched them as they rode by.  Once they were out of sight, she silently set her water bottle down, snapped her helmet back in place and looked at me with a new determination.

Sammi:  "Let's do this."

After another 20 minutes (and a few more small crashes), Sammi was riding around the parking lot all by herself.  She still had a hard time starting and stopping by herself, but her fear seemed to vanish.

On the way home Sammi couldn't stop talking about riding her bike.

Sammi:  "Riding bikes wasn't so hard, was it Daddy?"

Me:  "Nope."

Sammi:  "Yeah, you were scared, but I wasn't."

Me (smiling):  "You sure showed me."

Sammi:  "I'm already an expert - aren't I Daddy?"

Me:  "You sure are!"

Sammi:  "By tomorrow, I'll be a Master Bike Rider."

Me:  "You think you'll be a master by tomorrow?"

Sammi:  "Yeah, I'll be Sammi the Bike Master!"

Sammi (in her best 'public announcer' voice):  "Ladies and gentlemen-en-en...  Introducing, Samantha - MASTER OF ALL BIKE RIDERS!!!  And the crowd goes crazy - aaaaaahhh, woo hoo, yay for Sammi!!!"

The Bike Master

March 25, 2012

Second Best

Sammi:  "I love you Daddy!"

Me:  "That's sweet.  I love you too pumpkin."

Sammi:  "You're a REALLY good Daddy."

Me:  "Thanks!"

Sammi:  "Did you know that you're the second best Daddy in the whole wide world?"

Me:  "Second best?  That's pretty good, but who's the 'first best' Daddy?"

Sammi:  "All the other Daddies in the world are tied for first. HAHAHAHA!!!"

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