January 31, 2012


Sammi:  "Daddy, I don't think I can go to school today."

Me:  "Why not?"

Sammi:  "Steve has duh-monia."

Me:  "What?!?"

Sammi:  "Steve has duh-monia, so I can't go to school today."

Me:  "You mean pneumonia?"

Sammi:  "Yeah. Duh-monia."

Me:  "Wait. Who is Steve?"

Sammi:  "My pink monkey."

Me:  "I thought his name was Little Pink Monkey?"

Sammi:  "It was, but I thought he needed a real name, so I changed it to Steve."

Me:  "I guess that makes sense."

Sammi:  "Yeah he likes his new name much better.  Little Pink Monkey was just what he was - that's not a real name.  Kinda like if I was named Beautiful Little Girl."

Me:  "I see."

Sammi:  "...or if you were named Chubby Old Dad..."

Me:  "I get it!"

Sammi:  "So he has duh-monia and I should stay home and take care of him today."

Me:  "Well, I'm sorry that he's sick - but you're not staying home from school just to take care of Little Pink Monkey."

Sammi:  "Steve."

Me:  "You're not staying home from school to take care of Steve."

Sammi:  "But Daddy! He's got duh-monia!!!"

Me:  "Well you're in luck little lady."

Sammi:  "Why?"

Me:  "Because I've got the day off today and will make sure to take care of Steve while you're at school."

Sammi (dejected):  "Oh, okay I guess..."

After that conversation, I think I need to make a doctor appointment, because I may be coming down with a case of "duh-monia" myself.
"Cough, cough! Sorry, I've got duh-monia..." 

January 25, 2012

Humble Girl

Sammi recently needed to get glasses.  The other morning she was admiring her 'new look' in the mirror.

Sammi:  "I look good in glasses, don't I Daddy?"

Me:  "You sure do!"

Sammi:  "No.  I mean, I REALLY look good in glasses."

Me:  "Yes Samantha, you really look good in your glasses."

Sammi (removing her glasses and striking a pose):  "I look really good without my glasses too!"

Me (trying to keep a straight face):  "You look great with or without glasses Honey.  You are very pretty and very humble."

Sammi:  "What's 'humble' Daddy?"

Me:  "Oh nothing - I was just teasing."

Sammi (looking back into the mirror):  "I think humble means beautiful girl..."

Sammi with her new specs...

January 18, 2012

Chubby Dad

Sammi 'waddled' into the living room the other night with a pillow stuffed under her shirt.

Sammi:  "Look at my huge tummy Daddy!"

Me:  "Wow!  That's pretty big."

Sammi:  "Guess who I am."

Me:  "Are you a lady that's going to have a baby?"

Sammi:  "Nope."

Me:  "Are you a big, fat gorilla?"

Sammi:  "Nope."

Me:  "Are you Santa Claus?"

Sammi:  "Nope."

Me:  "I give up.  Who are you supposed to be?"

Sammi (rubbing her big "belly"):  "I'm you, silly!"

She then laughed and 'waddled' back out of the room...

7 year old girls are entirely too honest, and for the record - I do not waddle.

January 11, 2012


Sammi was sitting on the floor in the living room one night playing with her stuffed pink monkey.

Me:  "Time to go get ready for bed honey."

Sammi (without looking up):  "I respectfully decline."

Me:  "What?!?"

Sammi:  "Little Pink Monkey and I respectfully decline to go get ready for bed."

Me:  "Honey, it's your bedtime."

Sammi:  "I respectfully disagree."

Me:  "You can't disagree with me - it's 8:30, that's your bedtime."

Sammi:  "I didn't disagree with you - I respectfully disagreed with you."

Me:  "Samantha Nicole - get up and get ready for bed!"

Sammi grabbed her monkey, glared at me and trudged down the hall to her room.  As she was walking away she looked at her monkey and said:  "I can't believe he's being so unreasonable - I said 'respectfully'..."

January 6, 2012

The Puffy Coat

As Sammi and I were walking out the door the other morning, I noticed that she was only wearing a hooded sweatshirt to keep her warm instead of her winter coat.

Me (stopping her at the door):  "Whoa there munchkin - where's your coat?"

Sammi:  "I just wanna wear my hoodie to school today."

Me:  "Sorry, but it's too cold outside.  Go get your coat."

Sammi:  "But you're just wearing a jacket.  Why don't you wear your coat?"

Me:  "I'm just jumping in my warm car - you've got to wait outside for the school bus.  Besides, I hate the way that puffy coat looks on me - I think it makes me look fat."

Sammi:  "I'll wear my coat if you put yours on and let me see how it looks."

Me:  "I don't think so..."

Sammi (interrupting):  "Daddy, did you forget?  I am the 'Queen of Fashion'.  Just try it on for me - please."

Since we had a few minutes to spare, I figured that I'd humor her.  I put on my winter coat and modeled it for my daughter.

Me:  "See?  It's too puffy.  Don't you think it makes me look fat?"

Sammi looked at me for a second and then smiled and said:  "Don't be silly Daddy.  That coat doesn't make you look fat at all."

Me (taking a second look at myself in the mirror):  "You really think so?"

Sammi (laughing):  "Yeah!  It's not the coat that makes you look fat - it's your huge tummy!"

With that, she slapped my stomach and ran outside to catch the bus...

              "Does this make me look fat???"

January 3, 2012

He Sees You When You're Sleeping...

A couple of weeks ago when I was tucking Sammi in for the night, she asked me to sing her a bedtime song.  Since it was right before Christmas, I sang "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".  

Me:  “You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout I’m telling you why.”
         “Santa Claus is coming to town.”
         “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake…”

Sammi (interrupting):  "Daddy, is this song true?"

Me:  “What???”

Sammi:  “Is this song really true?”

Me (debating on how much to say):  "Uhhh…  Why do you ask?"

Sammi:  "Well, I know that Santa has to check and make sure that I've been good all year, but does he really need to see me when I'm sleeping?"

Me:  "Well honey, it's just a song..."

Sammi (relieved):  "That's good!  I think if that song were true, I wouldn't be able to sleep at all!"

Me:  "Why not?"

Sammi (shuddering):  "Because the thought of Santa watching me sleep is really creepy.  I'd be worried that if I woke up, he'd just be standing there - staring at me..."

Actually, she’s right – that is a creepy thought…  

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